| BMI 21.5 |
[12 Sep 2009|11:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sore |
] |
Yay, I'm losing weight! Yesterday morning I was down to 140.5, and today I broke below 140 to 139.5!
Not a great weight, just super glad to be losing weight.
My jaw is really swollen today... I'm going to take it easy on eating. I have to eat, in order for my medicine to work, but I'm planning on having little meals throughout the day. In about half an hour I'm going to have a yogurt so I can take my hydracodone.
Today I will just sit around and play the Sims and drink Sprite Zero.
Anyway I'll probably end up napping again today, I fell asleep last night at 4... ugh.
But I must say being able to drink all the coffee I want is heavenly =)
Ughh well I'm off to read proana and body perfect a while, then I'll get started on my day... I'm taking a break from pilates until I am healed a bit... maybe I'll start that up again on Monday.
I think I'll take a bath today... play lots of Sims until Chris gets home.
Alright more later.
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[12 Aug 2009|04:55pm] |
Ate.
1 cucumber + ranch dressing (45, 90)
3 scrambled egg whites + some butter (50, 50)
=235
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| By the way |
[22 Apr 2009|11:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
These are my stats today:
Age: 20
Height: 5'9 (I think)
CW: 138.8
BMI: 20.5
My goal while Chris is gone is to get my BMI below 20.
So I need to weigh 135.
Then 131 is my next closest goal. Maybe by my anniversary.
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| Okay, just one thing |
[26 Mar 2009|11:33am] |
I am fat and wothless and I CANT LOSE WEIGHT.
I'm 139 WHAT THE FUCK.
No food will pass my lips today.
I need to stop relying on laxatives and just fast.
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| Sunday morning |
[07 Sep 2008|10:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
Okay well I binged, horribly, yesterday... on wendy's. Like, almost $10 worht of Wendy's, hahaha... I am such a fatass.
Needless to say, fasting today.
I have to work in like 20 minutes, I'm procrastinating from getting ready. Finishing my coffee.
At least I got through all of work yesterday without eating, so I had still fasted 19 hours. And I worked out yesterday morning again. My abs feel good and my arms feel sore =)
I'm about 150 today. Oh well.
Off tomorrow. Maybe I can finally fast 48 hours. Today and tomorrow.
I other news, less than 2 weeks until I move into my dorm. I am so SO excited. I'm gonna get there really early and pick my room. I cant wait!
And when I get paid Friday it's all going toward stuff for going back to school.
Anyway I really have to get ready. More... probably tomorrow.
Think thin!
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[28 May 2008|08:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
Mmm sleepy. Just woke up from a 2 hour nap, and I feel like it should be morning.
Anyway I'm not going to keep thinking about how I've gained 20 pounds in a year. I'm just going to work on losing it as fast as possible.
Which means a lot more long-term fasts.
It sucks because back then I used adderol a lot to accomplish my goals, and now I don't know anyone who would give it to me, so I have to do it chemical free.
I didn't stick to my schedule I made, but oh well I think this is better.
I'm just gonna relax on here till about 9, then do my night crunches and probably some leg lifts too, the hop in the shower.
Then I'll paint my toenails and talk to Chris and probably just watch Cloverfield again and then go to sleep.
Tomorrow will be a good day. I will be strong, I will not eat, and I'll only have water and diet coke. And maybe diet pills.
I will NOT drink at Chris's.
And that way I'll also not be tempted to eat his food.
And I'll go to french and human sex on Friday.
It should be easy as long as I do what I'm supposed to.
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[27 May 2008|11:24am] |
Bleh I'm trying not to be down on myself but I feel huge, none of my pants fit, not length wise or hip wise.
I can't contain myself.
Wonder if that will ever change.
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| I can't stop thinking |
[08 May 2008|12:01pm] |
Okay so my birthday is in three weeks.
If I can successfully lose 5lbs a week, that'll be fifteen pounds gone by the time I'm 20!
So that'll make me about 135, my 2nd goal weight!
I can do that.
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[06 May 2008|02:44pm] |
Things I want:
A nice digital camera
A change of hair (cut? color?)
My drugstore.com stuff to arrive
Thin
A nap
To eat
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| Okay |
[01 May 2008|07:52pm] |
Well today I was supposed to fast.
Ended up eating about 200 calories in fat-free cheese and cayenne pepper pitas- no big deal.
Then like half an hour ago I ate four bags of chips from the vending machine. Easily 1000 calories.
Then just now I purged. In my garbage can in my room. Got a lot up but I know there's still something in there. But I got a lot up. Turned up the tv really loud.
But I feel good about that. Because I can't let fucking chips sit in my stomach anymore.
And the rest of tonight I'm just going to have my last beer, get a shower, drink at least a liter of water I think, and then go to bed early.
Anyway just thought I'd post that I did okay eating-wise after all.
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| OMG I'm gonna take like 2 hours to make a post |
[01 May 2008|05:57pm] |
Kissed someone that smokes?
-Pretty much every day. =)
How long have you liked the person you currently like?
-Over two years.
What is your favorite color?
-Purple, teal, or pink?
Three days from now will you be in a relationship?
-Wow I'd better be. Since in 3 days it'll be our two year anniversary.
As of today do you like anyone?
-yes.
Have you ever liked more then one person at a time?
-yeah.
What color eyes do you have?
-Brown.
Do you like to cuddle?
-Haha yeah.
What were you doing last night?
-Playing Mario Kart Wii like crazy and drinking with Chris.
Did you cry today?
-Almost. I'm pathetic sometimes.
What were you doing at noon today?
-Taking a super-quick shower.
What was something that happened to you in 1995?
-Hmmm. Wow that was 13 years ago! Yeah I was like, 7. So no I'm not really sure. I think that's the year we put Cookie, my old dog, to sleep. =(
Three words to explain why you last threw up?
-Shitty bourbon hangover.
What is the weather like today?
-Sunny and super windy.
Has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
-Haha yeah. You should see it today it's cute.
What color hair do you have?
-Blonde on top and red on the bottom layer.
What are you looking forward to?
-This week ending.
-Getting my Demeter perfumes in the mail.
-Getting my Drugstore.com stuff in the mail (ordered ExLax and Helene's Grape Seed Extract Peel-Off mask, haha)
-Seeing Chris
-Getting paid next.
-My birthday (exactly a month from today!)
-Losing 30 pounds.
-Chris's and My two-year anniversary =)
Do you ever wanna know who you're going to marry?
-I'm pretty sure I already know.
What are you listening to?
-Nothing.
What do you do in the morning?
-Drink coffee, usually.
What emotions are you feeling right now?
-Fat, slightly drunk, completely unproductive, missing Chris. Kind of a mess. At least I'm not cold anymore.
What are your plans this weekend?
-Work (fast), party(get smashed off fancy mixed drinks), work(prob. eat a huge breakfast then fast, unless I eat at my parents).
Someone of opposite sex on your mind?
-Yeah my stupid boyfriend who'd rather spend his night changing the water in his aquarium than with me. But it's okay cuz he doesn't know I stole the remainder of his beer this morning. (3 beers haha go me).
What are you currently doing?
-Uh this.
Told anyone you loved them today?
-Yes.
Miss anyone?
-Yes.
What's the last thing you ate?
-a pita sandwich with fat free cheese and cayenne pepper in it. (Only 130 calories!)
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
-Yesh.
Are you a generally clean or messy person?
-Clean.
Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
-In Chris's case, yes.
According to your ex, you are?
-Probably a cheater.
How have you felt today?
-Um hungry, full, fat, sad, drunk.
When's the last time you showered?
-Today around noon.
What were the last TV show you watched?
-God this VH1 special on for like 4 hours straight- 101 Hottest Celebrity bodies *sigh*
Something you say often?
-"I don't wanna talk about it"
Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
-Haha yeah.
What are you wearing on your feet?
-Bare foot.
Who was the last person you slept in a bed with?
-Chris last night.
Last person you talked to on IM?
-Probably Chris but I'm never on anymore.
Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
-Classes and a human sexuality exam.
Do you like your name?
-I suppose, it's sort of rare nowadays.
Are your fingernails painted?
-Yup, plum.
What's your favorite song?
-Ummm not sure.
Things you first notice about the opposite sex:
-Body, eyes, hair, height
Last person you hugged:
-Chris.
Last time you were disappointed?
-Tonight when I found out Chris wasn't picking me up from the dorm.
Do you like being in pictures?
-I guess.
Have you ever been more attracted to a significant others sibling than them?
-No all my S.Os only had sisters.
Are you happy at the moment?
-Not at this moment.
Do you tend to fall for people easily?
-No.
Is your bedroom window open?
-No its too windy.
Do you have any tattoos, if so, which hurt the most?
-Yes, my back.
When was the last time you fell?
-Oh this morning I tripped on my way back to the dorm from the bus stop.
Do you know anyone with a lisp?
-Not really.
Would you rather be cheated with or on?
-Cheating sucks.
What do you hear right now?
-My air vent making noise.
Who was the last person you hung out one-on-one with?
-Besides Chris? ...clinton, dyed his hair yesterday =)
How do you feel about the last person you kissed?
-I love him.
Regret doing anything in the past week?
-Maybe eating so much Wendy's.
Last awkward moment?
-I don't really think it was awkward for him but its always super awkward for me when Clinton tries to flirt with me. What was I thinking.
When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
-Let them go.
What do you do when a telemarketer calls?
-Usually ignore it. Lately I've been trying to answer to tell them to take me off their list.
Would you go a month without washing your hair for $5,000 dollars?
-Haha yes.
Have you been pressured to do anything recently?
-I don't think so.
How many kids do you want?
-One, maybe two.
What is in your bookbag?
-Not really a bookbag more like a large purse:
-binder, notebook, pens, notecards, lotions, dorm cell phone, cigs, lighters.
What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
-Black comfy pants, striped placebo shirt, victorias secret jacket
Do you have your tonsils and wisdom teeth?
-Yes
What side of the bed do you sleep on?
-It depends.
Do you have any siblings?
-My brother.
The status of you and the last person you texted is.
-Dating.
Do you like your current relationship status?
-Definately.
Would you rather feel pain or be numb?
-Numb.
Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted?
-Definately.
Do you hate being alone?
-Right now I hate it.
Last time you went swimming in a pool?
-Last summer.
Where was the last place you went shopping?
-Target.
YOUR BOY SIDE:
[x] you love hoodies
[x] you love jeans
[ ] dogs are better then cats
[ ] its hilarious when people get hurt
[ ] You've played with/against boys on a team
[ ] shopping for other people is torture
[ ] sad movies suck you rather watch something else
[ ] you own a XBOX
[ ] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[ ] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
[x] you owned a DS PS2 oR Sega
[x] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[ ] you watch sports on TV
[ ] gory movies are cool
[x] you go to your dad for advice
[ ] you own like a trillion baseball hats
[ ] you used to/do collect baseball collector cards
[ ] baggy sweatpants are cool to wear
[x] its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[ ] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
[x] you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
[ ] sports are fun
[x] you sometimes talk with food in your mouth
[ ] you sleep at night with your socks on
[x] you have fished at least once
TOTAL= 9
---YOUR GIRL SIDE
[x] you like to shop(for yourself)
[x] you wear eyeliner
[x] you wear the color pink
[x] you go to your mom for advice
[ ] you consider cheerleading a sport
[ ] you hate wearing all black
[x] you like going to the mall
[x] you like getting manicures and/or pedicures
[x] you like wearing jewelry
[ ] you cried watching The Notebook
[x] skirts are a big parts of your wardrobe
[x] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies(for yourself)
[ ] you don't like the movie Star Wars
[ ] you are/were in gymnastics
[x] it takes you around one hour to shower and get dressed
[ ] you smile a lot more than you should
[x] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[x] you care about what you look like
[x] you like wearing dresses when you can
[x] you like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne
[x] you like wearing pumps
[x] you used to play with dolls as a kid
[x] you like putting makeup on others
[x] you like being the star of almost everything
[x] pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL= 19
I have 9 guy traits and 19 girl traits.
Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
-No it turns itself off because he battery is shot.
What do you want in your life right now?
-Um at this moment to stop feeling sick, in general, a lot.
What's your favorite Gatorade flavor ?
-The AM Flavors.
What's your favorite thing to have on your bed?
-Fluffy duvet comforter, lots of pillows, and either stuffed animals, or Chris.
What's the nicest text in your inbox say?
-My four locked texts in the bottom that are always there from Chris.
Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
-I don't think so.
Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
-Ummm well the chain on one of my necklaces is Chris's.
What was the last movie you went to see?
-Forbidden Kingdom.
Do you sleep in jeans?
-Hell no.
Do you text a lot?
-Yes.
When are you usually on the phone?
-At night at the dorm.
Are you a cuddler?
-Yeah.
Something you just don't understand?
-Why I can't be thin.
Who was the last person you were in a car with?
-Chris.
Do you trust people easily?
-Yes and no.
Do you say "dawg"?
-Never.
Who was last to cook for you?
-Mom probably.
How is life going for you right now?
-Could be better.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with an B?
-Ummmm yes! I'm doing well on the beginning of the alphabet
A- Adam, Ann
B- Brandi
C- Chris
D- DJ, Dianna
E- Eric
...Haha
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
-Warm
What do you currently hear right now?
-Stupid girls out in the hall, and my air vent.
What do you think your best friend's doing right now?
-No clue.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
-Late 20s.
Would you rather watch football or baseball?
-Baseball if I HAD to.
Where is your number one person on your friends list?
-At his apartment.
Do you feel like dancing?
-Nope.
Last night you felt?
-Drunk and aggravated that I couldn't beat this one circut in Mario Kart.
Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
-Nope.
Do you speak another language besides english?
-French is my next best.
-Know a little japanese and a little korean.
What did you do today?
-A lot of nothing.
Did you date anyone this past summer?
-Yeah, Chris. I'm still with him.
Song playing right NOW?
-Nothing.
What are you thinking about right now?
-Whether I want another beer.
What’s your middle name?
-Margaret.
What were you doing an hour ago?
Pretty much this.
Do you secretly like someone?
-Nope.
Where were you Friday night?
-At Chris's.
Do you wear the seatbelt in the car?
-Always.
Next vacation you're going on?
-No clue.
Do you have any piercings?
-Tons.
What's something you really want right now, be honest?
-Chips out of the vending machine.
Is there anyone you hate?
-Not really.
Do you like the color orange?
-It's okay.
Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
-Body-wise, yes.
Where will you be in an hour?
Still sitting in my dorm room.
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| Day 6 |
[14 Jan 2008|08:57pm] |
Ughh
Food: 2/2
Water: 2/2
Posting: 2/2
Exercise: 0/2
Daily Self Esteem Challenge: Eh I suppose 2/2. I uh, read?
Total: 8/10.
Not horrible. This is hard. I think it's harder to eat 1500 calories a day than it is to eat less than 1000. Because once I get over 1000, I think I'm binging, so I start craving really tasty food. I didn't feel like exercising today, oh well. Maybe I will tomorrow.
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| Catching up/ day 5/ 0lbs lost |
[13 Jan 2008|11:32pm] |
Friday, day 3:
Food- 2/2
Water- 1/2
Exercise- 1/2
Posting- 0/2
Self Esteem- 2/2
Total: 6/10
Sat sucked. Might as well skip it.
Today, day 5:
Food- 0/2 (goddamn goldstar)
Water- 0/2
Exercise- 0/2
Posting- 2/2
Self-Esteem challenge- 2/2
Total- 4/10 sad, but it is the weekend.
Tomorrow I'll be back on track! Gotta finish my stats homework now, then have some sweet dreams tea and get some sleep!
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[11 Jan 2008|08:52am] |
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I think I'll liquid fast today. I'm not sure, but after how much I ate yesterday, it seems like a good idea.
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| Day 2/ ?lbs lost/ |
[10 Jan 2008|10:53pm] |
Ugh. Bad day.
Food: went over 333 cals,so 0/2.
Water: 2/2 Edit: Think I'll have one more bottle of water.
Exercise: Eh I'll do some sit ups. 1/2. Edit: Didn't do sit-ups, but burned 100 cals in cardio. Plus I had sex tonight, and walked to classes, so I'll say 2/2.
Journaling: 2/2
Self Esteem Challenge: maybe I'll try a new workout. To be updated later. Edit: I did something I found online called "Burn 100 calories in 10 minutes" and I liked it. So 2/2.
So far 5/10 . Horrible. Edit: Now it's 8/10. So I'm okay... I need to do better food-wise tomorrow, and burn 100 cals in 10 minutes again!
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| Day 1/ 0lbs lost/ 5/8 |
[09 Jan 2008|05:53pm] |
I'm going to start the 28-day plan today.
Well, test it out at least. Because so far today, I'm doing good diet wise..
My calorie goal for today is 1000 calories. It's 6pm and I'm at...980. So I'm pretty much done.
For journaling, I think I'll make that for posting in here, and writing in my journal.
I still have to drink all the water, but I've had a couple small bottles of water today, a diet pop, and a cup of hot green tea. I think I will make a rule to be that along with the water, I have to have at least one green tea a day.
So let's see...
Food: 2/2
Water: 2/2
Exercise: 0/2
Journaling: 1/2
Self Esteem Challenge: 0/2
Must do better tomorrow.
And I need a scale.
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[28 Nov 2007|04:35pm] |
Agh I'm sick of this shit!
I'm fasting. Until... Friday, unless I can go longer.
I'm sick of waking up feeling just nasty and sick and fat.
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| ABC day uhhh... 11. |
[15 Nov 2007|09:36am] |
Fasting today, and hopefully tomorrow too.
I haven't had the greatest week, dieting wise. That damn set-point, I finally get down to 137, and suddenly I go crazy and eat a ton.
I binged yesterday because I ate well on Tues, and I was hungover yesterday.
Monday, I don't really remember. I think I did well Monday.
I got my hair colored! It looks so pretty. I'll post pix as soon as I take some.
But anyway, yesterday I ate way too much, so I'm on a two-day fast, starting last night at 9 pm.
I've gotta get ready for class soon... I'm so tired today.. I slept through astronomy, almost couldn't even get out of bed for psych. Oh well.
*Yawn*
At least this week is almost over. And next week I only have two days of classes.
Anyway, I'll weigh tomorrow. I can't face it today. And I'll write more tomorrow.
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| ABC day 8 |
[12 Nov 2007|01:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
Ah, good day. No class, it's veteran's day.
And, I came back to the dorm this morning, afraid to weigh myself, but found out I am actually 137.5! So somehow I still lost weight this weekend, although how is beyond me.
I have to leave for work in about an hour.
I plan on eating nothing at work.
And I will stick to that! No candy! Grrr... maybe I can just bring some coffee and water and maybe even diet pills, just take some green tea whenever I feel hungry. I don't know.
Anyway, today I'm only allowed 400. I technically should be allowed 500, since I've been adding 100 to each day, but yesterday I binged, and I need to make it up. Wednesday is my first fast. And I'm SO excited, tomorrow I get paid, finally!
I'm going to get my hair done, and possibly go shopping too. We'll see.
Anyway maybe I can keep up this great idea of making plans for myself... my days go well when I do...
Tuesday's allowance: 500 cals
7:00am: Wake up, weight in!
7:00-8:00: read lj, have coffee
8:00-8:20: exercise, as much as possible
8:20-8:40: have breakfast: Yoplait Vanilla Yogurt 100
8:40-9:10: get ready for class! Straighten hair, if it's dry
9:30-10:50: Astronomy (drink water)
11:00-12:15: Psychology (drink water)
12:15-12:30: walk to work
12:30-4:00: Work have lunch: 100 cal pack & Curves bar 200 & water
4:00-4:15: deposit check at atm, if possible
4:15: get picked up by mom (if coudn't deposit check at atm, run to bank and deposit $100, get the rest cashed.)
4:30-6:00: read The Sweet Hereafter at the salon while waiting for my appointment
Run over to UDF & pick up something 200 or less for dinner
6:00-(?)7:00/7:30(?): Get hair done! pay mom for half the cost
7:30 ish: get picked up by Chris!
7:30 on:... not sure, go to Chris's? go grocery shopping? go shopping at Eastgate?
But most of all, no more eating!
Ah, tomorrow's gonna be a great day!
I just hope I can actually get my hair the way I want it. I'll post pix if I do.
More later.
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| ABC Day 6 |
[10 Nov 2007|09:00am] |
Mmmm, sleepy.
I have to be at work in an hour.
This morning I am 139 lbs. That's a little disappointing, but not terribly, considering yesterday I was supposed to have 200 calories, and I had like 1200 instead.
I figured it'd trick my metabolism a little more =)
Now today I'm going to fast all through work (6 hours) or only have a Fiber One bar, if I feel like I need it, and NOT eat candy.
When I get back to the dorm, I may or may not have something to eat, we'll see how I feel. Overall, I will not have more than 300 calories.
Then once Chris gets me at 5, I'll not eat for the rest of the day. =)
Tomorrow I get to have 400 calories, so if I DO go to dinner at my parents', that's all I'll eat Sunday.
I should start getting ready now. More later.
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